I’ve moved to Brooklyn, where I’ve wanted to be for quite a while now.  There’s a sense of settlement here, along with a curiosity of how I’m going to be living for a while.

A few days after moving in to a place in Borough Park, I was let go from my position.  The same position, mind you, that put the wheels in motion for my moving here in the first place.  Talk about timing.

I miss one person from Philadelphia…just one.  Yet, this same person has a huge part of my heart.  So much so, in fact, part of me wants to be out of Brooklyn and closer to him.

But I can’t do this; I fully realize it’s time to truly set down my bags and cases, and set roots here, finally making a home for myself.  There’s a tug of war going on between my heart and my head.

It’s time to (wo) man up here, grow a set and get down to business!  To do that, I have to realize the difference between “want” and “meed”.

Right now, it’s about getting a full-time job.  From there, other things will fall into place…I hope.

This person will never be out of my life, we both know that.  He has a great deal of respect for and from me.

All it takes now is confidence and the right leads.

What’s happened this year?  Well, left NJ and my working life in Wall Street due to a friend who turned out to not be a very good one.  He had me crash out on the couch, where I slept for about a month.  Tensions ran high, and both his mother and brother and he decided they’d had enough.  So I moved out in a rush to Philadelphia.  Bridesburg, which is NorthEast Philly, is a dump!  Nothing but tweaked out skanks and junkie pimps.

Went through a few jobs, met a guy I like a lot, worked as an usher at The Mann Center for Performing Arts (saw Mark Knopfler, Sheryl Crow, James Blunt, Toot & The Maytalls, The Gipsy Kings, Robert Plant and Alison Krauss, Ani DiFranco, Regina Specktor, Ben Folds, R.E. M., George Throrogood) while working at The Rittenhouse Hotel via Randstad, a temp agency that blatantly lies and falsely advertises jobs that don’t exist on their front glass wall.  So after they yanked me out of The Rittenhouse after nearly three months (curious as to how I get pulled before that particular anniversary, when health benefits would become a possibility), I go from job to job to job.

Worked as a representative for The Clean Water Act, where they dump you in the middle of small towns and have you canvas the area completely on your own, at night time, with no partner to back you up for the sake of protection.  Worked for Applebee’s in Center City – that was a joke!

Worked for another temp agency, another complete con.

Got a couple of new tattoos in the meantime.

Worked for a good guy, an amateur astronomer, working trade shows, so I got to spend time with him in California, New York State (on my birthday, which was cool), and North Carolina.  Music brought us together, and I’m hoping I get to hold on to his friendship, because it means a lot to me.  I’m scared I’m going to screw it up, but I don’t know where the brakes are on The Crazy Bus.

He helped me get a job with an events security company, which has let me see concerts not only for free, but getting paid for it! I was 6 feet under Bruce Springsteen (“Springsteen” the woman shrieks, sounding like a 13-year-old swooning girl) and I didn’t even have to be dead! Saw Jay-Z, Mary J Blige, T.I., T-Pain, The Hooters, Ludacris, Keyshia Cole, Maxwell, Jazmine Sullivan, Robin Thicke, Bob Weir and Ratdog.  Got to work the World Series.

From there, my favourite supervisor has let me work specifically for her in another events company where it’s been sports games at Villanova.  She also let me see Tina Turner perform live.  Let me repeat that….TINA bleeding TURNER!!!

And now I’m on my way back to NYC…working 3 days a week for a CPA firm.  I’ll be moving into Brooklyn in the new year.  I’ll have my real life back.

And I’m never going back to Phucadelphia ever again!

Not everything has sucked about this year, but I’ve had enough negative experiences, like getting attacked at night by some prat throwing a boulder of a rock at my back, getting money stolen from me, etc etc etc…to know I don’t want to spend any more time here than absolutely necessary.

So that’s it for the most part. Met some nice people, met a lot of not-so-nice thieving bastards (don’t bank with PNC) got in a lot of great entertainment, got some scientific education and a profound enjoyment of Albert Einstein merchandise.  Made some friends I hope I get to hold onto…we’ll see.

2008 has been quite the year.  We’ll see how 2009 fares.

Apparently, I’m not the only one who’s been unhappy for the past month or so.  What’s really dad is I’ve only been here for a little over 2 months.

Speaking of 2, that’s how many weeks she’s giving me to move out.  Which is fine, I’m done with the drama of her.  She’s been constantly disrespectful, constantly taking advantage of my good graces, and the personalities are not a compatible fit.  Of course, the new roommate, Ilyse, is siding with Tasha (sheep) so it’s 2 against 1.  Again, this is fine, because Ilyse seems just a little too ditzy and airheady for my liking.

Anyway, on to Craigslist!

The first time I ever heard about that was 20+ years ago, on “A Current Affair” and it had me extremely upset.  I had only been to a circus maybe once or twice in my life, but my grandparents would take me to Busch Gardens in Florida pretty often, and I would ride the elephants there.  After hearing about these stories at ten or eleven years old, I swore to boycotting all of it, wishing elephants the freedom in the wild, as they deserve.

To summarize, this is an excellent book!  Truly worth reading and consuming every word printed.  Ms. Gruen did a superb job, and I look forward to reading her other works now.

The next book is “People of the Book” by Geraldine Brooks, about an Australian woman who is a book conservationist who finds an antique gem of a book, and is trying to figure out the history it’s had.

First of all, this feels like CSI: Library.  I’m only 20 or so pages into it, but it’s really good so far!  Secondly, I didn’t even know you could be a book conservationist!  I’ve totally missed my calling.  Why wasn’t I told about this in the career placement classes at my high school?  I would’ve sold my eggs to get into college so I could have this profession!  

I have no idea where this book is going to take me, but I’m ready for the ride!

My roommate, the pot-smoking food thief with a superiority complex and attitude problem to boot, wants me to move out because I’ve asked her about a yogurt gone missing from the refrigerator (yes, again), and when she started giving me an attitude about it, I hung up, not having a good enough day that I can tolerate her attitude any longer than absolutely necessary.  In this case, where I asked as opposed to accused, she immediately took a tone with me, which I strongly feel is unnecessary, and told her as much.  So I hung up. 

She calls back.  I hang up again.  Two more attempts, and the tone is still in her voice, thus two more hang-ups subsequent to the calls.  Like I said, today’s been a stressful one since I woke up, and I’ll be damned if I have her make it any worse for me, so I’m not going to have her giving me an attitude when I didn’t do anything wrong.  She takes my food, leaving me SOL and forced to buy lunch, and then gets an attitude with me because I asked about it?  I don’t fucking think so!

When she finally gives up calling me at work, she calls my cell and leaves a voicemail, saying she doesn’t think this is working out, and I need to find a new place to live.

Now, for the most part, we’re in complete agreement.  It’s not working out.  She wants certain courtesies given to her that she has no intention of giving in return.  She doesn’t want me to use my Teflon pots and pans because they have fumes coming off that cause her migrains (that’s a new one and sounds like total b.s.), but never bothered mentioning when we first met.  However, smoking pot in the house is not a problem for her at all, and her boyfriend brings her pot every weekend…EVERY WEEKEND!!!…  But she doesn’t give a damn that I don’t want to be in a house with illegal substances.

There are other things, and they’re big enough nuisances that I don’t want to be paying $600 a month, plus transportation costs just to get into and out of work everyday.

The problem I have is that I have to move…again!!!  I just got here in the beginning of February.  It feels like I’ve been here longer, and when I do leave, if I never hear from her again it would be too soon!  I’m tired of being a gypsy, not buying real furniture because I know it’s just another thing I’ll have to either toss or move with me.  I’m planning the move to California later this year, which means I’ll have to find either a month-to-month place, or something where the lease ends at the end of summer.  What to do, what to do!

Anxiety!

I’ll explain.

It used to be you walked up four separate flights of stairs just to get up to Church Street, then you could make a left or right turn towards the destination of your choice.  Then they took down that sidewalk, and you had to make a left turn regardless, and then do a pedestrian U-Turn to get further downtown.

Now they’ve got the Church Street entrance blocked completely, and new stairs and escalators have been created in order for us to reach Vesey and West Broadway.  This is a good and a bad thing in that the good of it is I get to make a morning trip to Jamba Juice to get my smoothie on (yes, I did just type that), which makes up for the bad fact that it’s a little out of the way to get to work.

But, to re-iterate,  I get Jamba Juice!  Yaaaayyyyy1!!! *Happy dance followed by bouncing*

Do they have Jamba Juice in San Diego?  I hope so.  I have decided on San Diego to be the city to move to.  Haven’t been there since 9 years old, so I don’t know what to expect.  But I do know it’s a lot warmer there, there’s beach nearby, and it’s much more laid back than Manhattan.

My contempt for this city has become a tangible, solid amount of energy in my skin and bones.  It drains the system after a while.  The honeymoon ended a little while ago, and the only real romance is on weekends in Central Park, now that the weather is getting better.  I’m not sure it’s enough anymore.  It seems to be one huge mall now, too many self-indulgent tourists blocking people traffic on the sidewalks.  Plus there are still way too many people who smoke and it gets in my face, on my clothes.  When I get home, I can’t get out of those clothes quick enough and I just want to wash the city off me with scalding hot water.  Jack Nicholson would be proud!

I’m complaining too much.  I realize this.  This is part of the problem.

Twenty-odd years ago, I was a kid madly in love with this city when Kate would take me in with her on weekends because she couldn’t afford a baby-sitter but had to work.  She’d put me in front of a computer to play solitaire or minesweeper (still can’t win that game to save my life) and when I got bored of that, it was book reading time on the roof, sunbathing, listening to the music of people and honking taxis, laughter of strangers whose faces I’d never see.  She worked by Hickory House (can’t believe I remember the name of that restaurant!) by FIT, and at the time I had wanted very badly to be a fashion designer.  Kate would send me out to pick up lunch for us at Hickory House, and I’d see all the students with their portfolios and bohemian or crazy outfits.  My heart beat a little faster at those moments, out of excitement and discovery.

Now it beats too fast for my liking because it’s anxiety causing that speed, with or without the coffee.  I’m not a fashion designer, just a fashion disaster.  Kate and I aren’t on speaking terms, haven’t been for a few years now.  When I hear a taxi honk, my body tenses and it takes a great deal of restraint to not flip them off or give them a dirty look.

Yeah, the honeymoon is definitely over.

Oooh oooooh ooooooooh!  How about those people who shout into their Nextel Walkie-Talkie Loud Beep phones who glare at you for listening to their conversations?

Yes people, the wheels are spinning now!  This weekend has left me a bit haggard and not so rejuvenated.  Two days off is really not enough.  Went into Manhattan early Saturday morning for a workshop meeting for the AIDS Walk New York event  taking place on May 18th in Central Park!

http://aidswalknewyork2008.kintera.org/ta2ati2d

I will be doing the full 10k (approx. 6.2 miles) that Sunday, walking my legs to their maximum while forgetting the pain that more than likely will be resting on my back left shoulder where my newest tattoo will be.

If you’re interested in contributing to the AIDS walk, click on the link above.

If you’re interested in contributing to my tattoo funds *nervous giggle* you can send me a message, and we’ll work something out through PayPal.  I’ll make sure to hold my breath on that one.  In case you care, I’m getting a man’s left hand on my left shoulder blade, with my late grandfather’s initials on the knuckles.  This is one I’ve wanted for a long time that means a lot to me.  It will be the 10th tattoo, but far from the last!

Sunday was spent online, trying to get all my taxes done.  Federal Tax has been filed, still working on State.  I’ll be glad when it’s all over and I can smile again.

The stress of finding a place and work in California is getting to me, I must admit.  A lot to think about and plan and sort out.  Kind of a chicken or the egg question to pose:  Get a job first, or find a place to live first?  I’m inclined to go with the former, but I’ve been wrong before.

Will somebody enlighten me?  Please?  I need help! (your shrink joke here)

Well, first it started off with girls (cheerleaders, apparently) beating the hell out of another girl because of some kind of MySpace fiasco involving a local guy.  The punching dummy now has bruises on the left side of her face and, if I understand it right, problems hearing in her left ear.  She lost consciousness for a bit, and had a concussion.  They waited for her to wake up, and started to verbally and physically assault her again.  They refused to let her out of the house.  It was videotaped (the abusers wanted it taped) and put on YouTube.  The girls who participated in the attack have now been brought up on charges.  Personally, I would see fit to inflict the same kind of fear and pain they brought down on the girl.

But now there’s a new story out there, as I saw Matt Lauer interview a Baltimore high school arts teacher this morning, Ms. Jolita Berry, who was pummeled by a student (no, this is not a “Disturbia” sequel).  Isn’t art supposed to make people happy?  Ms. Berry explained to Matt that this girl had good days and bad, and could be easily influenced by her peers.

Apparently this beating was brought on as “revenge”.  Revenge of what, I don’t know.  Other kids in the class were egging the girl on, too.  Nobody intervened, but one student did call for help on her cell phone.  When the confrontation began to escalate, and the girl was moving in on the teacher, Ms. Berry told the girl she was invading her personal space, and if she had to, she would “defend herself”.  Cue the revenge beating.  When it stopped, Jolita Berry went to the office and reported what happened.  The principal, Jean Ragin, told her she provoked it.  The principal told her she provoked the girl.  Because she told the child she would defend herself.

So the principal is telling Ms. Berry it’s her fault that this stupid, disrespectful BRAT doesn’t know when to step off and go back to her desk and behave like a civilized human being, like a child who minds their place.

Who is running this show?

I admit I’m of the old-school way of thinking, where I agreed with the teacher telling off the student when they were misbehaving and needed to be disciplined.  I’m not saying I think it’s right for a teacher to call the kid names and be verbally abusive to them.  But if a kid is cursing or throwing a tantrum, or say, BEATING YOU IN THE HEAD!!!, yes, protection and/or discipline is warranted.  If the third is happening, you’d better believe I’d be punching her right back, hard enough to get her off me.

Adults, and more specifically, parents, are so concerned with being “friends” and “cool” with their kids, they’ve lost almost all focus with the fact that they are, in fact, the parents!  They decided to bring the child into this world, nobody else.   They are the child(ren)’s guides into this world.  The parents are the kids initial teachers.

You’re probably asking “Do you have any kids?”

No.  I don’t want children.  There was a time, 10+ years ago, where I thought I wanted 2 or 3, but in this day and age?  Where I would a bring a child into this world, only to have to constantly worry and panic about whether or not I can protect it from the world?  I don’t think it’s just the pedophiles and murderers we have to worry about now.  We have to worry about protecting our kids from other kids now too!

YouTube is filled, FILLED with clips of teenage catfights, boys (in school) beating the holy hell out of each other for a myriad of reasons.  This is Columbine on a daily basis, minus the guns.  This is teenagers with so much anger and hate, so much poisonous venom in their bodies, lashing out at the people around them.  And to be honest, this really isn’t a new problem. 

Twenty odd years ago, kids, teenagers and adults were killing and getting killed for Air Jordans, for Nike jackets.  Maybe ten years ago, it was those stupid, insipid Tickle-Me-Elmo dolls people were breaking into and robbing stores to get.  The people who did buy them for their kids would spend $300, $400 and anywhere up to $6-700 on a damn flash-in-the-pan fad than would be boring to the child within a few months’ time. 

Now we’re in a finer digital age where it’s cell phones, laptops, PS3, anything Apple that gets stolen from people.  When everyone was waiting for the next “Harry Potter” book to come out, and it was released, we’d have to hide the book in the trunk of the car for fear someone would break in to get it if they could see it in a vacant car’s backseat.  When the IPhone came out, there was so much security around the trucks dropping off the phones and the stores selling them.  People, full grown adults, were lined up around the blocks, waiting to buy one.  As if it were just being released for one day.  We’re in the age of MySpace and YouTube, where everyone gets to be famous.  Even if it means brutalizing other people to “send a message”.

Is it these things in our life that make us crazy?  Or is it time for the people in this country, in this world, to take accountability and responsibility for our actions, and stop using pop culture icons and items as our excuses.  We do this to ourselves, people.  We see a shiny new object being dangled in front of us, and we jump on that bait like maddened sharks.  We’re willing to kill, seriously, to end another person’s life, either out of anger or jealousy or just on a lark.  We keep doing it, which encourages these companies to keep making more things that will get us to do it again.

We’re in a never-ending vicious cycle where big corporations get to keep spinning the wheel.  Where parents are afraid to get on their kids’ bad side and let the children have more control than they really know what to do with.

Just before I get off my soapbox, I want to leave you with one last thought…when you’re in a confrontation with your child, and he/she tells you “you’ve ruined my life!” take a good hard look at them.  If you have the guts, ask them for an example of how.  If you don’t, just keep looking at them and try to figure it out for yourself.

Let me explain.

Sunday, I had finished “The Darkest Evening of the Year” by New York Times Bestseller and favourite, Dean Koontz.  Not more than two minutes later, “Water for Elephants” by Sara Gruen is in my hands, and I’m back in that happy world where I don’t have to worry about my problems and can laugh at somebody else’s, fictional or non.  Mostly fictional.

So far, I’m really enjoying this book, and I’m noticing a couple of similarities between the main character, Mr. Jacob Jankowski, a man who literally does run away and join the circus, and Mr. Paul Edgecomb, from one of my favourite books and movies of all time, Stephen King’s “The Green Mile“.  They both have a wonderful sense of nostalgia to them, “Water for Elephants” remembering the “way back when” days of peep shows only costing 50¢.  50¢ for Gods sakes!!  Hefner would’ve had a field day!  “The Green Mile” reminding us that you only had to crank the phone to get help right away, whereas now you have to dial 911 only to be put on hold.  Press 1 if you’re bleeding from the head, 2 if it’s a heart attack, 3 if your rapist is standing in front of you, or 4 if the house is on fire.  I’m sorry, 0 is not a known number, please stand by for the next operator (your Muzak choice here).

I digress.  Or at least try to.

The great thing about these books, about a lot of books, is the fact it really is the best form of escapism.  Sometimes if you’re not ready for a book, you just put it to the side and get something else.  I started reading “A Confederacy of Dunces” by John Kennedy Toole a few years back, but wasn’t getting into it, so I moved on to bigger and better (in my opinion) things.  “The Bear Went Over The Mountain” is a great book by “E. T.” original creator, William Kotzwinkle.  Depression had loomed over me like a Dementor hanging over Harry Potter, and his book helped me get out of that funk.

Anyway, back to the newest gem, “Water for Elephants“.  I read it whenever I can, which is pretty much my subway time, and just before I go to sleep.  I’m already getting the sense this is going to be one of those books I won’t want to end.  It has been on the New York Times Bestseller List for a good amount of time.  It’s been out for a while, and I’m only just now getting to pick it up. 

The book list is always growing, and just when I’m able to put a line through one, 5 more must-reads have scribbled themselves all the way at the bottom!  Santa’s list looks like a grocery reminder compared to what I’ve got lined up.  And when someone tries to talk to me while I’m reading, I become part of his “naughty” list!  I don’t know why it’s taken this long to get started.

Next book, more than likely, will be Linda Fairstein’s newest addition to the Alex Cooper saga, “Killer Heat“.  I always love reading her books!  It’s crime fiction meets New York History meets Art History, and she quickly became one of my all-time favourites about 5 years back when I first started reading “The Dead House“.  Can’t go wrong with Ms. Fairstein…just not possible!

Who’s on your book list?

I walk a lot.  Seriously.  To go from my house to the library I frequent is about 3+ miles just one way.  Then there’s walking back (another 3+), not to mention making my coffee walks in the morning.  Thank God for Dunkin’ Donuts!  Probably a way of apologizing for George W. Bush.

Walking is good exercise and an excellent way to get in the fresh air, do some thinking, some planning, plan on what the next chapter in my book should be.  Not to mention the fact I’m not polluting the air with toxins, wasting money on gas, taking up space on the road and I don’t have to honk or flip some mall-rat cellphone chattering teeny-bopper who is trying to drink a bottle of water while steering.

I can’t wait to leave this area and head to California.  Do they have Dunkin’ Donuts in California?