Ta2ati2d's Weblog

Back in NYC

January 27, 2009
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Well, things are starting to look better…somewhat…kind of….er, yay OBAMA!!!!

I’ve moved to Brooklyn, where I’ve wanted to be for quite a while now.  There’s a sense of settlement here, along with a curiosity of how I’m going to be living for a while.

A few days after moving in to a place in Borough Park, I was let go from my position.  The same position, mind you, that put the wheels in motion for my moving here in the first place.  Talk about timing.

I miss one person from Philadelphia…just one.  Yet, this same person has a huge part of my heart.  So much so, in fact, part of me wants to be out of Brooklyn and closer to him.

But I can’t do this; I fully realize it’s time to truly set down my bags and cases, and set roots here, finally making a home for myself.  There’s a tug of war going on between my heart and my head.

It’s time to (wo) man up here, grow a set and get down to business!  To do that, I have to realize the difference between “want” and “meed”.

Right now, it’s about getting a full-time job.  From there, other things will fall into place…I hope.

This person will never be out of my life, we both know that.  He has a great deal of respect for and from me.

All it takes now is confidence and the right leads.


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Catching up

December 14, 2008
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Worked for a good guy, an amateur astronomer, working trade shows, so I got to spend time with him in California, New York State (on my birthday, which was cool), and North Carolina. Music brought us together, and I’m hoping I get to hold on to his friendship, because it means a lot to me. I’m scared I’m going to screw it up, but I don’t know where the brakes are on The Crazy Bus.

Moving along

April 17, 2008
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Well, “the talk” happened last night.

Apparently, I’m not the only one who’s been unhappy for the past month or so.  What’s really dad is I’ve only been here for a little over 2 months.

Speaking of 2, that’s how many weeks she’s giving me to move out.  Which is fine, I’m done with the drama of her.  She’s been constantly disrespectful, constantly taking advantage of my good graces, and the personalities are not a compatible fit.  Of course, the new roommate, Ilyse, is siding with Tasha (sheep) so it’s 2 against 1.  Again, this is fine, because Ilyse seems just a little too ditzy and airheady for my liking.

Anyway, on to Craigslist!

A new book

April 16, 2008
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So “Water for Elephants” by Sara Gruen, was just as I had expected.  That is to say, it was a great book I really didn’t want to end.  It’s kind of like “Titanic” where you know how it’s going to end, but  you still get heartbroken all the same.  A great love story, Water for Elephants got me upset and slightly glassy-eyed when she goes into some detail of the abuse one of the main characters puts Rosie the Elephant through.  Anyone whose ever seen the horrors on the news shows, those bull hooks some trainers use to keep the elephants, or “bulls”, in line.  Those hooks are just that; they’re sharp picks that can tear through the elephant’s hide, creating torturous pain and leave scars.  Elephants would stampede in the circus once they’ve finally had as much abuse as they can take and strike back.

The first time I ever heard about that was 20+ years ago, on “A Current Affair” and it had me extremely upset.  I had only been to a circus maybe once or twice in my life, but my grandparents would take me to Busch Gardens in Florida pretty often, and I would ride the elephants there.  After hearing about these stories at ten or eleven years old, I swore to boycotting all of it, wishing elephants the freedom in the wild, as they deserve.

To summarize, this is an excellent book!  Truly worth reading and consuming every word printed.  Ms. Gruen did a superb job, and I look forward to reading her other works now.

The next book is “People of the Book” by Geraldine Brooks, about an Australian woman who is a book conservationist who finds an antique gem of a book, and is trying to figure out the history it’s had.

First of all, this feels like CSI: Library.  I’m only 20 or so pages into it, but it’s really good so far!  Secondly, I didn’t even know you could be a book conservationist!  I’ve totally missed my calling.  Why wasn’t I told about this in the career placement classes at my high school?  I would’ve sold my eggs to get into college so I could have this profession!  

I have no idea where this book is going to take me, but I’m ready for the ride!

Time to move…again

April 16, 2008
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This is exhausting.

My roommate, the pot-smoking food thief with a superiority complex and attitude problem to boot, wants me to move out because I’ve asked her about a yogurt gone missing from the refrigerator (yes, again), and when she started giving me an attitude about it, I hung up, not having a good enough day that I can tolerate her attitude any longer than absolutely necessary.  In this case, where I asked as opposed to accused, she immediately took a tone with me, which I strongly feel is unnecessary, and told her as much.  So I hung up. 

She calls back.  I hang up again.  Two more attempts, and the tone is still in her voice, thus two more hang-ups subsequent to the calls.  Like I said, today’s been a stressful one since I woke up, and I’ll be damned if I have her make it any worse for me, so I’m not going to have her giving me an attitude when I didn’t do anything wrong.  She takes my food, leaving me SOL and forced to buy lunch, and then gets an attitude with me because I asked about it?  I don’t fucking think so!

When she finally gives up calling me at work, she calls my cell and leaves a voicemail, saying she doesn’t think this is working out, and I need to find a new place to live.

Now, for the most part, we’re in complete agreement.  It’s not working out.  She wants certain courtesies given to her that she has no intention of giving in return.  She doesn’t want me to use my Teflon pots and pans because they have fumes coming off that cause her migrains (that’s a new one and sounds like total b.s.), but never bothered mentioning when we first met.  However, smoking pot in the house is not a problem for her at all, and her boyfriend brings her pot every weekend…EVERY WEEKEND!!!…  But she doesn’t give a damn that I don’t want to be in a house with illegal substances.

There are other things, and they’re big enough nuisances that I don’t want to be paying $600 a month, plus transportation costs just to get into and out of work everyday.

The problem I have is that I have to move…again!!!  I just got here in the beginning of February.  It feels like I’ve been here longer, and when I do leave, if I never hear from her again it would be too soon!  I’m tired of being a gypsy, not buying real furniture because I know it’s just another thing I’ll have to either toss or move with me.  I’m planning the move to California later this year, which means I’ll have to find either a month-to-month place, or something where the lease ends at the end of summer.  What to do, what to do!


New changes at World Trade Center

April 15, 2008
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Just when I was getting into a nice little routine, construction at World Trade Center changes things up and my walking route from Ground Zero to Wall Street has gotten just a leeeetle bit longer.

I’ll explain.

It used to be you walked up four separate flights of stairs just to get up to Church Street, then you could make a left or right turn towards the destination of your choice.  Then they took down that sidewalk, and you had to make a left turn regardless, and then do a pedestrian U-Turn to get further downtown.

Now they’ve got the Church Street entrance blocked completely, and new stairs and escalators have been created in order for us to reach Vesey and West Broadway.  This is a good and a bad thing in that the good of it is I get to make a morning trip to Jamba Juice to get my smoothie on (yes, I did just type that), which makes up for the bad fact that it’s a little out of the way to get to work.

But, to re-iterate,  I get Jamba Juice!  Yaaaayyyyy1!!! *Happy dance followed by bouncing*

Do they have Jamba Juice in San Diego?  I hope so.  I have decided on San Diego to be the city to move to.  Haven’t been there since 9 years old, so I don’t know what to expect.  But I do know it’s a lot warmer there, there’s beach nearby, and it’s much more laid back than Manhattan.

My contempt for this city has become a tangible, solid amount of energy in my skin and bones.  It drains the system after a while.  The honeymoon ended a little while ago, and the only real romance is on weekends in Central Park, now that the weather is getting better.  I’m not sure it’s enough anymore.  It seems to be one huge mall now, too many self-indulgent tourists blocking people traffic on the sidewalks.  Plus there are still way too many people who smoke and it gets in my face, on my clothes.  When I get home, I can’t get out of those clothes quick enough and I just want to wash the city off me with scalding hot water.  Jack Nicholson would be proud!

I’m complaining too much.  I realize this.  This is part of the problem.

Twenty-odd years ago, I was a kid madly in love with this city when Kate would take me in with her on weekends because she couldn’t afford a baby-sitter but had to work.  She’d put me in front of a computer to play solitaire or minesweeper (still can’t win that game to save my life) and when I got bored of that, it was book reading time on the roof, sunbathing, listening to the music of people and honking taxis, laughter of strangers whose faces I’d never see.  She worked by Hickory House (can’t believe I remember the name of that restaurant!) by FIT, and at the time I had wanted very badly to be a fashion designer.  Kate would send me out to pick up lunch for us at Hickory House, and I’d see all the students with their portfolios and bohemian or crazy outfits.  My heart beat a little faster at those moments, out of excitement and discovery.

Now it beats too fast for my liking because it’s anxiety causing that speed, with or without the coffee.  I’m not a fashion designer, just a fashion disaster.  Kate and I aren’t on speaking terms, haven’t been for a few years now.  When I hear a taxi honk, my body tenses and it takes a great deal of restraint to not flip them off or give them a dirty look.

Yeah, the honeymoon is definitely over.

Snooze on Alarm Clocks and Other Self-Contradicting Inventions

April 14, 2008
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Went into Manhattan early Saturday morning for a workshop meeting for the AIDS Walk New York event taking place on May 18th in Central Park!


I will be doing the full 10k (approx. 6.2 miles) that Sunday.

Out of control

April 10, 2008
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Adults, and more specifically, parents, are so concerned with being “friends” and “cool” with their kids, they’ve lost almost all focus with the fact that they are, in fact, the parents! They decided to bring the child into this world, nobody else. They are the child(ren)’s guides into this world. The parents are the kids initial teachers.

You’re probably asking “Do you have any kids?”

No. I don’t want children. There was a time, 10+ years ago, where I thought I wanted 2 or 3, but in this day and age? Where I would a bring a child into this world, only to have to constantly worry and panic about whether or not I can protect it from the world? I don’t think it’s just the pedophiles and murderers we have to worry about now. We have to worry about protecting our kids from other kids now too!

What I’m Reading

April 9, 2008
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Well, somehow I went from the subject of rescue dogs (golden retrievers most specifically) to circus animals like elephants.

Let me explain.

Sunday, I had finished “The Darkest Evening of the Year” by New York Times Bestseller and favourite, Dean Koontz.  Not more than two minutes later, “Water for Elephants” by Sara Gruen is in my hands, and I’m back in that happy world where I don’t have to worry about my problems and can laugh at somebody else’s, fictional or non.  Mostly fictional.

So far, I’m really enjoying this book, and I’m noticing a couple of similarities between the main character, Mr. Jacob Jankowski, a man who literally does run away and join the circus, and Mr. Paul Edgecomb, from one of my favourite books and movies of all time, Stephen King’sThe Green Mile“.  They both have a wonderful sense of nostalgia to them, “Water for Elephants” remembering the “way back when” days of peep shows only costing 50¢.  50¢ for Gods sakes!!  Hefner would’ve had a field day!  “The Green Mile” reminding us that you only had to crank the phone to get help right away, whereas now you have to dial 911 only to be put on hold.  Press 1 if you’re bleeding from the head, 2 if it’s a heart attack, 3 if your rapist is standing in front of you, or 4 if the house is on fire.  I’m sorry, 0 is not a known number, please stand by for the next operator (your Muzak choice here).

I digress.  Or at least try to.

The great thing about these books, about a lot of books, is the fact it really is the best form of escapism.  Sometimes if you’re not ready for a book, you just put it to the side and get something else.  I started reading “A Confederacy of Dunces” by John Kennedy Toole a few years back, but wasn’t getting into it, so I moved on to bigger and better (in my opinion) things.  “The Bear Went Over The Mountain” is a great book by “E. T.” original creator, William Kotzwinkle.  Depression had loomed over me like a Dementor hanging over Harry Potter, and his book helped me get out of that funk.

Anyway, back to the newest gem, “Water for Elephants“.  I read it whenever I can, which is pretty much my subway time, and just before I go to sleep.  I’m already getting the sense this is going to be one of those books I won’t want to end.  It has been on the New York Times Bestseller List for a good amount of time.  It’s been out for a while, and I’m only just now getting to pick it up. 

The book list is always growing, and just when I’m able to put a line through one, 5 more must-reads have scribbled themselves all the way at the bottom!  Santa’s list looks like a grocery reminder compared to what I’ve got lined up.  And when someone tries to talk to me while I’m reading, I become part of his “naughty” list!  I don’t know why it’s taken this long to get started.

Next book, more than likely, will be Linda Fairstein’s newest addition to the Alex Cooper saga, “Killer Heat“.  I always love reading her books!  It’s crime fiction meets New York History meets Art History, and she quickly became one of my all-time favourites about 5 years back when I first started reading “The Dead House“.  Can’t go wrong with Ms. Fairstein…just not possible!

Who’s on your book list?

Sunburned in April

April 7, 2008
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How do you even do that?  Somehow I managed it on Saturday, April 5th.  Weirdest thing, too!  It didn’t seem all that hot.  I believe it was mid 50s in temperature and there was a wind.

I walk a lot.  Seriously.  To go from my house to the library I frequent is about 3+ miles just one way.  Then there’s walking back (another 3+), not to mention making my coffee walks in the morning.  Thank God for Dunkin’ Donuts!  Probably a way of apologizing for George W. Bush.

Walking is good exercise and an excellent way to get in the fresh air, do some thinking, some planning, plan on what the next chapter in my book should be.  Not to mention the fact I’m not polluting the air with toxins, wasting money on gas, taking up space on the road and I don’t have to honk or flip some mall-rat cellphone chattering teeny-bopper who is trying to drink a bottle of water while steering.

I can’t wait to leave this area and head to California.  Do they have Dunkin’ Donuts in California?

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